The media have had a field day ridiculing last nights Beer Summit in the Rose Garden.  I don’t know why.  I thought the photo op was priceless.  A President in shirtsleeves who wishes he had “calibrated his remarks,” sipping on his Bud light with a nattily dressed Harvard professor who should have calibrated his actions and a police officer who has shown a superb ability to calibrate SINCE the incident (although he may still wish that he’d walked away). 

The reasons I think it was valuable, priceless really, have nothing whatsoever to do with race relations.    I really don’t think this incident will make a whit of difference on that score.  There is too much history, too much heartache, too much mistrust between blacks and police.  It will take decades to fix that.  And, I am among those who don’t even see this as a racial profiling incident.  There’s just nothing on those 911 tapes that would indicate the police went to Gates house for anything other than a burglary call.  

So back to why it was priceless.  Here are three guys coming together in a civil way and agreeing to disagree.  To me that’s what it was about.  Civility and respect.  In a country where civility is barely discussed, here was an opportunity to see it in action.  It’s hard work, to agree to disagree with anyone.  We get entrenched in our views and self-righteous about every slight, and we often never let it go.  

 So the value of a photo op - is tremendous.  I really don’t care what they said to each other.  I doubt it there was anything said that was noteworthy or important.  They showed up, they talked, and they left with their dignity fairly intact.  It ratcheted down the emotions and showed us that it is possible to have relationships without agreeing with each other all the time.

There’s a business lesson here - when you have personal, negative conflict in your organization- people tearing each other apart - not just disagreeing about what should be done — you need to address it.  You cannot let it fester.  Bring people together around a table and send a message that you won’t tolerate the infighting, backstabbing, plotting, scheming, undermining, sniping and badmouthing.  

By the way, I’m very much FOR apologies.  Read my earlier blog on that topic.  An apology is more powerful, but In the real world it doesn’t always happen.  But healing, even transformation is possible when you bring people together.  The photo op around that table says, we’re grown ups, we can live together, and we can treat each other with respect.  

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There is nothing in the world that helps an executive stand out as much as great manners.  You stand apart when you know what to do and how to treat others in every business situation.  There are many elements to executive presence, including communication skill, presentation style, body language, appearance and wardrobe.  However, many well dressed, articulate, smart executives don’t know, or don’t care enough to learn the rules of manners and etiquette.

I just read that Reader’s Digest tested levels of politeness in 36 cities around the world. In each city, undercover reporters from local Reader’s Digest editions performed three tests 20 times each. Cities earned a point each time one of its residents (1) helped a stranger pick up his or her dropped papers; (2) thanked someone making a small purchase; and (3) held doors open to the people following them into a building.

New York scored highest with 80%, followed by Zurich with 78% and Toronto with 70%. The cities with the lowest scores on these three tests? Mumbai (32%), Bucharest (35%), and Kuala Lumpur (37%).

Now I’m not sure how scientific this study is, or whether they just caught some of these cities on a collectively bad day, but the larger point is - as a professional or executive, your score should be 100% on these behaviors.  This came out in the Harvard Business publication daily stat report.  click here to read about the study

You never know who is watching.  And you never know what might trip you up.  Companies usually invite top job candidates to one or several dinners and social activities.  The purpose is not only to get to know you in a social setting; it is also to test your know-do you know how to handle yourself?

In these situations, nothing is overlooked.  If you don’t thank the person who took your coat, or brought your drink; if you fail to handle introductions or wait until everyone is served to eat, if you don’t know how to carry on a great conversation, it will be duly noted.  Given two capable candidates, the one who handles himself or herself superbly gets the nod. 

There is a fun quiz on manners (actuallly several etiquette topics) at manners international’s web site.  Click here to take a quiz.

I can also recommend Judity Bowman, Protocol Consultants, who has decades of experience working with business executives on etiquette: click here to read about Judith Bowman.   

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