Tis the season when we are called upon to deliver end of the year performance reviews.  Hardly what most people regard as a task of “good cheer.”  While these are crucial conversations which can be pleasant, more often they are difficult.  Even top performers need guidance, and of course there are those who have slipped or not lived up to their potential.  If you tend to avoid conflict or are simply feeling too busy with other end of year duties, performance reviews may feel like a dreaded end of year duty.

Still your better side knows that these conversations give us permission to engage in the tough love conversation at a time when people are expecting it; and it’s a time to deliver well deserved praise to top people looking for ideas to accelerate their careers.  If you do it well, you will provide meaningful guidance to the entire team and lift overall performance by encouraging the behaviors and reinforcing the valules that make you successful. 

Last week we started coaching a CFO and his senior leaders who had implemented a new performance review system.  The goal was to improve organizational effectiveness and efficiency and also tie compensation in a more meaningful way to job performance.  Even these seasoned leaders acknowledged that they frequently run into issues that trip them up as they deliver feedback.  While they didn’t anticipate it would be terribly difficult to implement the new system they had no trouble coming up with case studies from past experiences that highlighted these untenable situations.  For example:

1. An employee who sits silently through a performance review, nods their head, says she understands, and then walks out the door and does nothing to address the issue

2.  An employee who has always received high marks receives a less than superior rating and storms out of the office

3.  An employee who does a great job with an old system but gets tears in her eyes when you tell her that she needs to learn a new way of doing something.

These are just three examples - you can probably think of dozens.

The question then becomes, how to prepare for these sometimes difficult conversations.

Here are 5 tips that will help you turn performance feedback into one of your favorite times of year.

1.  Prepare, prepare, prepare.  The performance review doesn’t begin and end with the form you fill out.  Think about what you want to say.  How will you introduce the topic?  How will you frame the issue?  What words and phrases will best convey your point?  And what tone will you take?

2.  Engage each person in a dialogue.  You need to uncover the obstacles and objections, and the only way to do that is to encourage questions and have a real conversation.  Some people are better able to process in the moment than others so you do need to be respectful if they are flabbergasted by the feedback.  For the most part, people will tell you what they think and even if they are hurt they will be open to discussing how they can address the issues.

3.  Listen, listen, listen.  You may believe you’ve made your point and then hear through the grapevine after your conversation that the individual didn’t “get it.”  You can avoid this by asking more questions, listening to what is said and NOT said, and noting body language and tone.  If you aren’t hearing what you hope to hear then take a break and suggest getting together again soon; within the nexxt 24 hours if possible.

4.  Give it time.  An hour is a good guideline.  Even if you think you can complete a review in 15 or 20 minutes, the individual may have other ideas.  They often see this as a time to connect with you, or to get career guidance, so don’t shortchange them.  In fact, your high performers should get more time, not less.  Don’t assume just because they’re doing a great job that they don’t want to hear it from you.

5.  Talk with your coach, mentor or a colleague about how to improve your performance feedback.  Become the kind of boss everyone wants to work for.  Think of a boss you respected and seek their guidance or at least recall what they did that brought out the best in you.

Finally, remember that providing constructive guidance is not something that just happens at performance review time; it’s a year round tool for improving organizational performance.  If you’re doing it well, when you sit down in December or at the end of your fiscal year, virtually nothing you say should come as a surprise.  

By the way we are preparing our teleseminar series for next year and may include Giving Constructive Feedback as part of the line up.  Please let me know if you’d be interested by emailing me at info@bates-communications.com or by hitting reply to this blog.

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Last week I got a kick in the pants while attending the National Speakers Association Conference.  One of the world’s most admired speaking coaches, Patricia Fripp, led a training for for future presidents of the local chapters of our association.  

Pint size and full voiced, commanding the room with poise, polish and perfectly chosen phrases, she admonished the group to be precise in our language.  “This is the national SPEAKERS association,” she intoned.  “Be a ROLE MODEL.”

To drive home her point, Patricia had in hand an obnoxious little clicker which she warned she would use liberally to interrupt any speaker that used what she calls the “debris word.”  That word, which she wisely noted clutters our language and dumbs down our communication, is spelled S.T.U.F.F.  Smugly, I thought I would not get caught.  Each time a speaker used the word Patricia clicked and the offender was required to come up with one dollar in a jar for the associations member distress fund.

We were shocked, and of course amused at how many times the debris word came up.  When you start listening you won’t believe what a crutch it really is.  Try it today.  Sit in a meeting and listen to the number of times your colleagues fall back on s.t.u.f.f.  And if you’re brave, turn on a tape recorder while you’re on the phone today and monitor your own conversation.

By the end of the two days, $450 dollars had been collected and someone threw in another fifty to make it an even five hundred.  It all goes to helping speakers who have fallen on hard times so you can hardly argue with the benefit.  But think about it - these are PROFESSIONAL speakers - people who get PAID to speak for a living; even while they KNOW they are on notice, they STILL can’t eliminate the silly word from their communication.

What’s the remedy?  A bit like quitting smoking.  Not easy but doable:

1.  Have someone monitor your conversation not just for the debris word but for other words that clutter your communication such as like, um, uh, kinda, thing.

2. Give them permission to write down the number of times you use these words in a presentation.

3. Slow down and pause between thoughts, just for a moment.  A brief pause gives your brain time to catch up and choose just the right words.

4.  Read, read, read not just for content but for language and style.

5.  Listen to great speakers who use the language well and adopt some of their good habits in a way that is authentic for you.

P.S.  Yes, I said it.  Once.  But I threw in 20 bucks because I figured that would cover me for the rest of the week.

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I’m often asked whether there is a formula for success in public speaking, and my response has always been, “practice.”  Practice is the secret to becoming good and the antidote to fear.  

But I just had a personal experience that made me realize that practice is only one half of the formula.  Ten thousand hours of preparation won’t prevent a meltdown if you’re walking around with stupid, idiotic thoughts in your head. 

Last week I was invited to speak to the International Leadership Association (ILA) conference in Prague.  Didn’t know much about the conference.  Didn’t even know much about the organization.  I said “yes” because I thought it would be a great trip to take with my husband.  Turns out it coincided with the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall.  Everybody said Prague was an historic, romantic city.  So, I thought, “Why not?”

As for presenting a “case study,”  I felt well-enough prepared. I was more worried about how I would recover from sleep deprivation after an overnight flight to Frankfurt, walking the guaranteed 5 miles through that huge airport to catch a the second leg to Prague at 4 a.m.  However, the reality of my situation came into clearer focus when I arrived, signed in, received my name badge and scanned the program.  Almost all the other speakers had a Ph.D. and some fancy- titled white papers or books with long, complex, theoretical themes.  Walking around and listening in on conversations it became obvious that most of the attendees were academics speaking a language that might as well have been Czech. 

That’s when I started feeling… nautious.

I awoke in the middle of the night conjuring up worst case scenarios.  I imagined that they would read my bio in the program description and not even bother to show up.  Or, that they’d come in with skeptical faces, arms folded, and proceed to stump me with questions on my “research methodology.”   It didn’t help that in the bar the previous evening I noted that these folks weren’t talking about the 135 varieties of beer on the menu; they partied all night talking leadership theory.  Woo hoo. 

By 6 a.m. I had slept little and  convinced myself this had been a terrible mistake.  I faced my impending doom the only way I knew how; I starting taking it out on my husband.  It wasn’t pretty.

When he finally asked what was going on, I told him.  And then, he said, ”You’re kidding right?” 

I replied with a wise crack.  No need to print that here.

“Have you forgotten,” he said, “that you’ve written two best selling books on leadership?  Most academics would love to write something other people want to buy,” he said.  ”They have nothing on you. In fact they’ll probably wish they were you.”

Now that’s very husbandly support, and it’s awfully nice, however on this topic I thought he did have some credibility, as well.  Drew is a screenwriter, author, attorney and film professor at Boston College.  So he’s one of them.  Sort of.  In a bar he would prefer to talk about New England Patriots football, politics or movies.  Or beer.

I had to halt this mental spiral, so I left early and headed to the meeting room, which thankfully was empty.  I ran through my program.  I decided he was right. What was the worst that could happen?  My plan was to share a few “case studies” (stories) of leaders who succeed in motivating and inspiring others by living and working with purpose and passion.  The exercises in the program are designed to get people thinking and talking about their own career passions.  

The room filled up; they had to bring in chairs.  I’m relieved to report that within 15 minutes, the place was buzzing. Everybody seemed to enjoy it.  We had not just academics, but smiling, energetic, engaged college students who added a lot to the mix.  They had some of the best stories to share. 

So - what did I learn?  I realized that I needed to revise my formula for success in public speaking.  It didn’t take into consideration the fact that even experienced speakers allow certain circumstances to rattle their confidence.  

So, here’s the new formula for success.     

Practice + Affirmation = Success.

As we all know, eight bazillion books have been written on success.  They all say the same thing.  Success requires mastery of a skill - you have to be really good at something.  And, success requires mastery of thought - you have to manage the way you think. 

We are what we think.  Our thoughts become our reality. 

Once I started thinking about the new formula, it also became obvious that affirmation needs some definition.  I believe there are two channels for affirmation.  Two “inputs” if you will.  One is the inner channel-your own thoughts, feelings and beliefs; that what you say to yourself.  The other is the outer channel-the affirmation you receive from others; what other people say to you. 

It’s hard to imagine consistent success if you don’t have the inner and outer channels open and working properly.  Last week proved that to me.  I probably would have been okay, but it sure helped to have someone else there who I trusted to offer genuine encouragement.   

You need to have other people who believe in you.  And you need to believe in yourself.  

Here are five steps to help you develop the inner and outer channels of affirmation:  

1.  Take stock of yours skills; if you have negative thoughts there may be a reason - you do need to get better. Practice.  If you are not as good as you need to be, make the commitment and improve.

2.  Take stock of your thought process; if you are a reasonably good speaker and still routinely experience  doubt and anxiety, learn to use the inner channel of self-affirmation.  “I have an interesting message to share,” ”Audiences always enjoy my presentations,” or “I’m a successful speaker,” are examples of affirmations.  Write your own.

3.  Take stock of personal and professional relationships in your life; if you don’t have supportive people who shine a light on your brilliance, find them.  None of us can do it alone.  We need need people we trust and respect to believe in us and tell us so.  

4.  Admit it when you’re feeling anxious; it doesn’t do any good to suffer in silence.  Seek the support of others you trust and let them know how you feel so they can help you get on track.  Embrace their words and let the magic of that outer channel of affirmations take hold.  

5.  Visualize your success; it always helps to rehearse and picture the audience.  Imagine people nodding, smiling, applauding and shaking your hand after a presentation.  I always do better when I go through this exercise a few hours before a presentation.  This means of course you have to set aside that time and honor the time to visualize and prepare.

So there’s my new formula; practice + affirmation = success.  The two go hand in hand.  Combine them for your next presentation and see how it works.  Let me know if you have affirmations you want to share. 

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I’m just back from an outstanding meeting with my mastermind group.  One of our members, Rob Nixon, a very successful entrepreneur in the accounting industry, has developed a tool for mapping the success firms in Australia where he is headquartered.  After we got a look at this very detailed map, the rest of us in the group began considering how brilliant it is -to show people precisely the steps they must take to be successful in any profession or industry. 

You don’t have to be perfect to be successful; you simply have to do a lot of things well, and do the important things better than your competitors.  Our group leader, Alan Weiss, is fond of saying “Success, not perfection.”  Do it well, do it better than others and then move.  “80% done, out it out the door, says Alan.  ”The last 20% of anything you do has minimal value and will never be noticed by the client.”

So success really about being measurably better.  Striving for improvement where it matters.  This is where the map comes in.  What was good enough at one stage of your career or one phase of your business will not take you to the next stage.  Rob’s idea of mapping success is so obvious and that’s why it is powerful.  You focus on the skills and strategies that really truly matter.  His clients’ results prove the point - firms that participate in his Coaching Circles and follow the roadmap outperform the average accounting firm nationally by several multiples.

I’m currently working on a success map for executive coaching and welcome your comments.  What do top executives in your industry absolutely have to do very well, better than others, in order to rise to the top?  Yes, I know, there are millions of articles and hundreds of books on the topic, but right now I’m looking for your opinion.  Look around at the executives you admire most, and tell me what do they do better than just about anybody?  Why is that important to their success?

I have my ideas and welcome yours.  Hit the leave a reply button and let me know what you think.

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