There’s a basic human tendency to detest public speaking and I think that’s because most speakers have three deficits: they don’t know how to speak well, they don’t prepare well, and they don’t know what the audience wants. 

The first two are really important  -but I’m not going to deal with them today.  The fact of the matter is you simply have to speak well and you have to prepare well or you will die.

So let’s turn our focus to the third issue for a minute.  What the audience wants.  How do you know?  Here’s an idea. Ask them.  

Last week, I opened a workshop in Boston for executive women, giving ten minutes of prepared remarks.  After that, I told them THEY were in the drivers seat.  I handed them a list of topics related to the main theme, how to become a motivational leader, and said, “your choice.”

What happened next?  They SURPRISED me.

The conversation didn’t go where I THOUGHT it would go.  If it had been up to me, I would have followed through the logical sequence I had prepared.  They jumped straight to the BOTTOM of the list.  (In other words- they were saying - give me the REAL stuff). 

It was fun. 

My advice on this if you want to try it is–you have to be an expert in your topic and ready for absolutely anything.  Prepare well and then let go of how you think it might go.  Let your audience choose - you won’t believe how they’ll engage.  This results is a far more interesting conversation with your audience.  Which is what a presentation should be.

The element of surprise is energizing.  I told stories I didn’t plan to tell.  I shared data I had almost forgotten.  It was… well… more interesting for me, which Imade it more interesting for THEM.  And…at the end, the audience rating sheets reflected that.  I received almost a straight 10.

So what did I learn?  As you know, the first rule of speaking is that it’s about the audience.  But those are empty words for most speakers I’ve learned after years of coaching.  Most speakers don’t take more than 30 seconds to really think about what the audience wants.  They talk about what THEY want to talk about.

And yet, the audience holds the key to your success.  They have the answers.  So ask.  

What about Q & A?  Is that your time to engage. Yes, you can -however - you’re already at the END of your presentaiton.  It’s almost too late.  And, sometimes, audiences clam up.   They have forgotten much of what you said and didn’t have the presence of mind to write down those questions.

Whether or not you try this, let me at least suggest that you shake things up.  Do it differently.   Audiences now go catatonic when they see PowerPoint slides.  “This is the way we always do it,” speakers tell me.  “Good, then you’ll get the result they get - an audience that’s asleep or checking their blackberries.”

Are you willing to risk getting out there on a tight rope without a net?  What do you have to lose?  Shake it up.  If you’re an expert and a good speaker you can and should have fun up there.

QUESTION FOR YOU:
I’m planning a series of teleseminars for fall and looking for your ideas.  Is the above topic something you’d like me to explore in greater detail?  Email: info@bates-communications.com and let me know.

HIRING A SPEAKER FOR AN EVENT? 

A lot of organizations are planning their meetings fall winter.  If you’re looking for a keynote speaker or concurrent session presenter, email us at moconnor@bates-communications.com - Meredith O’Connor, our marketing director, will want to know what your audience’s interests are - and then she can suggest several current programs that are popular with our audiences.  Or, if you just want to take a look at the possibilites go to: www.bates-communications.com and click on the tab keynote speakers.

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So I’m reading the Conference Board Review article entitled, “Why Americans Don’t Trust CEOs,” and I’m thinking I’ve read about 164 similar articles lately on the lagging popularity of the Chief Executive Officer.  And then I’m thinking, if you’re in the corner office, you probably ignore it, but once in a while it gets you down.  Especially if you suspect your own employees feel this way about you. 

There are a number of studies out there that document how CEOs are less popular than dentists or lawyers.  The Edelman Trust Barometer even before the financial meltdown apparently found only 20% of Americans trust CEOs to do the right things for their companies and their customers.  They didn’t site any recent studies.

Several times in this blog I’ve talked about all the GOOD CEOs who are out there making difficult but appropriate sacrifices for their companies.  Many have reduced their salaries and spent long hours working harder than ever, to keep people employed and keep the doors open.  The fact that this has been the longest recession of our lifetimes means we’re living in a prolonged state of crisis, and that isn’t good for anyone’s physical or mental health.  

I guess Americans have always had a love-hate relationship with the person at the top.  CEOs have been revered and reviled.   I don’t mean we should have a pity party for CEOs, but if you’re a CEO who is feeling isolated and you don’t have the support you need, then your emotional state will have a significant impact on your health and well being - and that isn’t good for your company.  You can’t fake mojo.  You gotta have it to be a really great leader.

If you’re a CEO and you feel like you need to get your mojo back I have a few ideas.  

1.  Read Motivate Like a CEO - I know, I know, self promotional, but I wrote it because I realized that there are a lot of leaders out there who are motivated by purpose and passion.  They get up in the morning and can’t wait to get to work, because they love what they do and they love their companies.  Every CEO should feel that way.  If you read the book, you’ll see how they discovered their purpose and passion.

2.  Have some fun.  Take time to restore, regenerate and renew body mind and spirit.  I’m one of the worst offenders here but I’ve learned that my brain fires at about -50% when I’m not taking care of myself, and at about 150% when I take a few hours or a day or two to relax and do things I enjoy.

3.  Walk around your company.  Even in challenging times, people are basically optimistic, and they want to share their stories with you.  When get out there and talk to your team about their projects, you get energized.  Connect, praise, recognize and reward and you’ll not only make THEM feel better; you’ll feel better, too.  

4.  Get out and see your customers.  In this economy, everybody needs a little love.  Let them know you care.  You can pick up the phone and email, but being there is best.  As I always tell our team, there aren’t any customers here in the office.

5.  Spend a little more time with your family and friends.  It’s too easy to get mired in work when times are challenging; there is always an emergency.  Take an inventory of your calendar and decide what you can eliminate, what you can postpone, and go home.

By the way if you want to have some fun click here on Wikipedia and look at the countless definitions and uses of the word mojo

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No question David Letterman’s first attempt at apologizing over the Sarah Palin jokes failed - a few nights ago, he was clearly not feeling true remorse, and obviously defensive when he said he was sorry.

But, what about last night?  On his show. Did he get it right the second time?

And, more importantly, should you care?  

Let me take the second question first.  We should care because -AS WE ALL KNOW -apologies are all too rare.  We’ve all been on the receiving end of a half-hearted or insincere apology.  It’s almost worse than no apology at all.

It requires a balance of confidence and humility to really apologize. 

More importantly, it matters because a GOOD apology (when appropriate) enables you to build strong, deep, authentic relationships.  It helps you in marriage, with your kids and family, and your friends.  An apology is a gateway to improving the human condition.  And yes, it is a great asset in business.  It builds bridges to the future and that’s important because none of us are perfect.  We have, and will continue to make mistakes.

Now to the first question, did he get it right.

This is not a yes or no.  It is a matter of degree.  The words were right.  The tone still felt … well … like he did it because he had to.   I would give it a 6.5 on a scale of 10.  I have no idea what Letterman was actually thinking and feeling last night.  He appeared to be in some pain.  But whether that was because he felt the sting of remorse, or just shock over being chastised, only he knows for sure.  

By reiterating it was a ”coarse joke” and saying that it was “beyond flawed,” he scored some points with me.  ” He went on apologize not only to Palin but the the two daughters involved, Bristol and Willow, the Palin family (good so far)  and “everyone else who was outraged by the joke.”  

This is where I have trouble. 

It reminds me of people who say, “I’m sorry if you were offended,” instead of “I’m sorry, what I said was offensive.”  There should be no qualifier regarding who was offended.  We should ALL be offended.  When you add that part, you’re not owning it.  You’re putting the emotional onus on others.

He finished by saying, ”I’m sorry about it and I’ll try to do better in the future.  Thank you very much.”  Again, maybe its semantics, but I would have left out the world “try.”  This reminds me of people who appear to commit to you when they say, “Let’s try to have dinner this summer,” or “I’ll try to get back to you next week.”  My opinion - the word “try” is a cop out.  Commit.  I WILL do better in the future.”

It also reminds me a little of the time when years ago, of Arnold Schwarzenegger apologized for mistreating women just days before the California recall election in which he was elected governor.  Now I’m a huge fan of the governor’s, but when you read some of the things he supposedly did, which I will not to desribe in this column, he said “A lot of what you see in the stories is not true, but at the same time, I have behaved badly sometimes, I have done things which were not right which I thought was playful, and now I recognize that I have offended people.”  Again, there’s that –sorry if YOU were offended thing.

If you want to read a phenomenal book about this topic of apology, I highly recommend “On Apology,” by Aaron Lazare, M.D. Chancellor, Dean and Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Massachusetts Medical School.  He is a leading authority on the psychology of shame and humiliation and wrote a highly regarded article on the topic that led to appearances on Oprah and Talk of the Nation.  But don’t let his academic cred put you off.  It’s a beautifully written and well documented look at topics such as the growing importance of apologies in today’s society; the meaning of apology; and the paradox of apology.   It helped me understand more clearly how to acknowledge and offense, what it means to feel remorse, the concepts of explanation and reparation, and the overall healing power of a genuine apology.

I hope that Letterman meant it.  I really do.  Sarah Palin has accepted the apology, so I guess we should too.  It’s just that I would rather be writing about a GREAT apology.  Too bad they are so rare. 

Here’s a clip of his apology if you want to listen.  Let me know what YOU think.

Oh, and if I owe you an apology, will you let me know?

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If you subscribe to the idea that workplaces operate a lot like families (the personalities, the relationships, the challenges) then you might be interested in some information I found while researching the long term impact of crisis on a family.  This information came from the Head Start program model for assessing crisis.

As you read these, ask yourself how it might apply to your team or organization.

During a crisis, people tend to:

Have difficulty thinking clearly.  People in crisis may quickly skip from one idea to another in conversation, making them difficult and confusing to follow.  They may have trouble relating ideas, events and activities to each other in a logical way.

Dwell on meaningless activities.  In an attempt to combat anxiety, people in crisis may become overly involved in activities that are not productive.  They are likely to need considerable help in focusing on activities that bring the crisis to an end.

Express hostility or numbness.  The feeling of loss of control and vulnerability experienced by most people in crisis may be expressed through hostile words and actions directed toward anyone who intervenes in the situation.  Others may withdraw or experience depression; they seem not to care about the crisis or its outcome

Act impulsively.  Although some people become immobilized in crisis situations there are others who react impulsively without any regard to the consequences of their behavior.  This makes a complex situation even more difficult to resolve.

Feel incompetent.  A crisis presents a threat to one’s sense of personal competency and self-worth.  To counter low self-esteem, people in crisis may assume a façade of adequacy or arrogance.

How can you counteract the impact of a prolonged state of crisis in your organization?  Here are 7 steps you can take immediately to help you take the pulse of individuals and the organization as a whole, and get people focused and on track:

1.    Schedule meetings with individuals on your team

2.        Ask them about projects they enjoy or would enjoy doing

3      Facilitate ways for them to do work they enjoy that has an impact on the organization

4.      Schedule the next meeting in two to three months to check in on how they’re doing

5      Talk about the big picture people long to work for a purpose greater than themselves

6.      Focus conversation on the future – exciting opportunities ahead – this is one of the most important tenants of crisis communication – help people see what is possible

7.      Talk about it in your meetings, your conversations and your emails – a steady flow of positive, future focused communication will alter the din of bad news

For more tips on how to lead during crisis, go to the articles section of our web site:

www.bates-communications.com/articles and click on leading in crisis.

Or go to our bookstores and order a copy of the booklet: The Power of Adversity, How to Communicate with Confidence, Make Powerful Connections, and Thrive in Challenging Times

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Do you remember where you were September 15^th, 2008.  No?   My day began with a staff meeting and lunch with one of our consultants, the afternoon, a scheduled meeting with a prospective client was postponed.  Not a particularly memorable day.  Funny I had to look back at my calendar.  How about you? Still nothing coming to mind?  Interesting, because that was the day everything changed.  That was the day they threw out the rule book on business as we know it.

September 15^th was the day that Lehman Brothers filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection, the largest bankruptcy filing in US history.  The Dow Jones closed down 500 points that day, at the time, the largest drop since September 11^th.  Five days later, Lehman Brothers was liquidated, beginning a tsunami that took down the credit markets and launched an economic meltdown around the world.

Yesterday, Nobel Prize winning economist Paul Krugman declared that the recession (which technically began back in December 2007), should end by  September 2009.  But what will that mean?  He also predicted that unemployment will continue to rise.  That’s what I mean when I say the rules have changed.  We’re hanging on for “back to normal” but nobody knows what it will look like.

Since we don’t know what to expect, it’s time to prepare for the new normal - an extra level of preparation for our career path as well.  Imagine you’re taking a day hike in the mountains - when you were younger, you might just have grabbed a bottle of water and a granola bar - but if you’ve ever experienced any uncertainty while hiking - the feeling you’re not sure whether you’ve taken the wrong path - and you’ve heard about other hikers being lost for days - you realize that isn’t going to do it.  To be sure you get there and back you decide to pack a compass, rain gear, substantial provisions, matches, and a fully charged cell phone.

The analogy to career preparation is that to be certain you get where you’re going, relying on your wits probably isn’t enough.  You’ll be far better off if you have mentors, coaches, trusted advisors and a team of colleagues you can rely on.  If your company is offering training and development, you need to take advantage of it - especially develop skills that are not your strengths.

In that spirit, I want to let you know that our next Speak Like a CEO Boot Camp has been scheduled for October 15th and 16th in Boston and it is going to be a dynamic session.  If you sign up this week we’re also giving you a complimentary coaching session.  It’s an hour and a half, one on one, with one of our top coaches.  This is the first time I’ve ever done this and it may be the last.  So if you’re really interested in attending our boot camp, this would be the time to let us know.  Contact Meredith O’Connor by Friday to take advantage of this offer.  moconnor@bates-communications.com

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One of the most ridiculous reasons I’ve ever heard for not investing in your career is that you don’t have time RIGHT NOW. 

When do you think that time will appear?

If you don’t have time to invest in yourself today, do you think that some magical realignment of the universe will open up an expanse of time on your calendar?  Will you ever be LESS busy than you are today?   The reality is that if you don’t learn to manage time and invest in your own success, your time will be less and less your own.  Other people will always be in charge of your calendar and your career.

As a wise mentor once told me, the issue is never time, and its never money.  It is always priorities.  So here’s my question - what are yours?  If you’re not putting a high priority on accelerating your career development, who is?  Time to figure out what’s holding you back.  Here are a few possibilities: 

You’re afraid that admitting you need help is admitting you’re not perfect.  Nobody’s perfect.  Top performers see their opportunities and always invest in themselves.

You haven’t developed the essential habit of getting a little better each day.  You don’t become great at anything in an afternoon.  Start now.

You’re afraid to ask for money for coaching or professional development because you don’t think they’ll approve it.  Companies always have money to invest in their high potentials.  Even in turbulent economies.  High potentials are people who out perform, believe in themselves, and are willing to ask for what they need.

You’ve tried learning something, found you’re not not a natural, and given up.  As a coach who works with top executives, trust me, it takes years just to develop confidence and skill on the platform.   Nothing worth doing is easy.

If any of those sound like you, time to figure out what’s holding you back and deal with it now.  Today becomes tomorrow, and if you’re still asking yourself the same questions then you’re simply not moving ahead, or taking charge of your own destiny.

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